Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, June 2, 2021

Be aware: At the moment’s C&J is in English with cloaked subtitles for our Klingon and Romulan readers. —Mgt.

By the Numbers:

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2 days!!!

Days ’til Nationwide Doughnut Day: 2

President Biden’s approval ranking, in keeping with a brand new Harvard CAPS/Harris ballot: 62%

Chronological rank of California and Maryland amongst states attaining 70% of adults with no less than one COVID shot: #11, #12

% likelihood that Republicans within the Texas legislature voted on a Sunday to ban Sunday voting: 100%

Quantity the highest 3 motion pictures collectively made on the field workplace over the weekend: $71 million

Variety of followers at this 12 months’s Indy 500: 135,000

Age of CNN as of this week: 41

Mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (together with 5 incidents of monetary unrest and a dozen red-caped Catholic loons locked in a fierce battle for civilization with Kellogg’s). Soul Safety Issue 8 lotion is really helpful in case you’ll be strolling amongst the heathen as we speak.

Pet Pic of the Day: A lesson in Bark 101…

CHEERS or JEERS to waking up…or not. Good morning! Or unhealthy morning, relying on whether or not or not the skywatching nerds misjudged the Washington Monument-sized asteroid they name “2021 KT1” and it sliced Planet Earth in two and destroyed our environment, leaving us all little greater than globules of goo floating off into area. And here is extra good/unhealthy information: there are a bunch more asteroids coming this week that “most likely will not” hit us, both:

Six different asteroids, that are principally leftover rocks which can be over 4 billion years previous, are additionally passing by Earth this week. … 63-foot 2021 JW6 will move on Wednesday, together with 2021 KE1, which is about 53 ft. They are going to come inside about 1.9 million miles and three.6 million miles of Earth, respectively. Thursday and Saturday deliver much more asteroids.

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We’ll wait till subsequent week to let you know what’s coming subsequent week. If there’s a subsequent week. 

Most asteroids orbit the solar between Mars and Jupiter, however sometimes, their orbital paths are influenced by different planets’ gravitational pulls, altering their paths. Scientists imagine previous stray asteroids colliding with Earth performed a significant function within the planet’s evolution.

On the intense aspect, I simply briefly took your thoughts off of voter suppression, home terrorism, Marjorie Taylor-Greene’s newest screed, and catastrophic local weather change. And y’know what? You are welcome.

CHEERS to easy acknowledgement. President Biden traveled to Tulsa, Oklahoma yesterday with a easy aim: increase consciousness of the bloodbath of Black Individuals by White Individuals that occurred there within the Greenwood (aka “Black Wall Avenue“) District after an inexplicable century of erasure from our collective historical past. Joe spoke plain concerning the grief of not solely the barbarity of the bloodbath, however the concerted effort on the a part of the haters to cover it:

“You may’t simply select to study what we wish to know and never what we should always know. We should always know the nice, the unhealthy, every little thing,” Biden mentioned. “That is what nice nations do. They arrive to phrases with their darkish sides, and we’re an excellent nation. The one option to construct frequent floor is to actually restore and to rebuild. I come right here to assist fill the silence as a result of in silence wounds deepen.”

Mrs Viola Fletcher. Tulsa Race Massacre Survivor
Tulsa bloodbath survivor Viola Fletcher, 107, was amongst these watching Biden yesterday.

“The historical past of what happened right here was instructed in silence, cloaked in darkness. However simply because historical past is silent, that does not imply that it didn’t happen,” Biden mentioned. “Whereas darkness can conceal a lot, it erases nothing.”

Efforts to find stays of the victims proceed, with some success. Nobody was ever charged or in any manner held accountable for murdering them. America: distinctive nation, my ass.

CHEERS to time savers. 109 years in the past as we speak, the newly-invented washer/dryer combo went on sale for the primary time. It was promptly adopted a number of hours later by one other milestone: the primary youngsters to completely ignore it.

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

CHEERS to a lot and many zeroes. The Biden White Home launched its first funds simply earlier than the lengthy weekend, and it is a six-trillion-dollar whopper:

Biden’s first full funds suggestion consists of sweeping new proposals he has already launched, together with trillions on infrastructure, free pre-Ok and neighborhood faculty, and will increase to a variety of home applications aimed toward boosting public well being and applications for the poor.

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Need to see a Democratic sweep within the midterms? Give each American considered one of these.

“The Finances invests straight within the American folks and can strengthen our Nation’s financial system and enhance our long-run fiscal well being,” Biden mentioned in a letter to Congress accompanying the proposal. “It reforms our damaged tax code to reward work as an alternative of wealth, whereas additionally absolutely paying for the American Jobs Plan and the American Households Plan over 15 years. It’ll assist us construct a restoration that’s broad-based, inclusive, sustained, and powerful.” […]

Former President Donald Trump’s ultimate funds…was for $4.8 trillion and included about $2 trillion in cuts to security web applications, pupil mortgage applications and overseas help whereas boosting funds for securing the southern border.

Biden is fond of claiming, “Present me your funds and I am going to present you who you might be.” I like who our POTUS is. So does this man:

x

Let’s do it. Somebody move me your checkbook and a pen.

JEERS to addictive additions.  Thirty-six years in the past as we speak, The R.J. Reynolds Firm (motto: “If it is one thing you may inhale, we’ll take it to retail”) proposed a significant merger with Nabisco that may create a $4.9 billion conglomerate of meals and tobacco merchandise.  Which most likely explains why 35 years and 9 months in the past I needed to resort to the nicotine patch to wean myself off a sudden dependancy to Fig Newtons.

Ten years in the past in C&J: June 2, 2011

JEERS to the penultimate journey. The Area Shuttle Endeavour concluded its picture-perfect 16-day mission to and from the Area Station early this morning. Commander Mark Kelly and his crew brought the ol’ bird down easy and delicate, and now the craft will spend retirement with its partner, a cling glider half its age, on the California Science Center. And that implies that there’s only one extra shuttle journey: the ultimate flight of Atlantis. Liftoff: July 8. Convey a hankie.

And only one extra…

CHEERS to Invoice in Portland Maine: fearsome yuppie tamer. It has been established right here in C&J that we kiddie pool splashers are not any followers of Airbnb—or as grog put it so succinctly final week, “fucking Airbnb.” A pair years again the owner of the three-story condo constructing throughout the road transformed the underside two flooring into upscale short-term Airbnb habitats. Each time a brand new gaggle of burly, bearded 20/30/40-somethings pull up of their $40,000 Sherman tanks disguised as SUVs and haul their baggage, 12-packs, and trophy wives into the place, my blood stress spikes. However aside from throwing trash baggage within the recycle bins (a no-no), they’ve really been well-behaved. And now I believe I do know why. Over the weekend I visited the online web page for that constructing and noticed this: 

There’s a 10 pm noise ordinance and 0 tolerance.

The neighbors will name the police.

If the police are known as you may be fined $500.

We would like you to have an excellent expertise so be respectful!

Within the 27 years we’ve lived right here, just one particular person has ever known as the police on that constructing: Me! Billeh!  I discover it empowering to know that my few ringy-dings to the cops—the final time was over ten years in the past, again when the faculty pupil tenants had been a loud drunken handful—made such an impression. Though getting whacked 500 bucks for every name could be completely etched in my reminiscence financial institution as a landlord, too.

So each time a gaggle of Airbnb’ers ambles up the steps into their short-term digs this summer time, I am going to know my evil popularity has been seared into their brains. I am going to nonetheless name the cops if want be, after a cheerful in-person warning. However I am going to cease wanting making the guests kiss my ring. For I’m a merciful omnipotent crotchety previous neighbor. For the second.

Have a cheerful humpday…or else. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about as we speak?

At the moment’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

“If Invoice in Portland Maine disappeared tomorrow, I don’t assume you’d have many Republicans within the search occasion.”

Barbara Comstock



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